


Translation

by SweetSamOfMine (AudreeJo)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s09e11 First Born, Fix-It, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, M/M, Sassy, Sastiel - Freeform, platonic sastiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-27
Updated: 2014-08-27
Packaged: 2018-02-14 23:39:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2207394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AudreeJo/pseuds/SweetSamOfMine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Castiel realizes he's said something wrong to Sam, he tries to undo the damage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Translation

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this ficlet when given the prompt: "a sam and cas scene (doesn't have to be shipping your choice) where sam has low self esteem and cas bringing him up somehow idk feel free to do whatever you want"

“Sam, I want Gadreel to pay as much as you do.” Castiel shifted awkwardly and went on. “But nothing is worth losing you.” Sam’s eyes, fixated on the angel’s face, lit up. It wasn’t often someone other than Dean said anything like this to him. It rang different dressed in someone else’s voice, with someone else’s cadence. It made his heart flutter just a bit. “You know, being human, it didn’t just change my view of food. It changed my view of you. I mean, I can relate now to how you feel.” 

Sam snorted at the comment about food, then asked, “What are you talking about?” with a smirk on his face. 

“The only person who has screwed things up more consistently than you…is me.” The angel smiled his half smile at his friend. “And now I know what that guilt feels like. And I know what it— I know what it means to feel sorry, Sam. I am sorry.”

Cas watched as the smile on Sam’s face faded. So this wasn’t a speech about how he was worth it. It was just another reminder that he was a fuck up. The second biggest one in the universe, apparently.

_Same song, different tune. Guess Dean doesn’t have to say it for it to come out the same way._

Sam felt slightly deflated. And stupid. Stupid for letting himself think, for a second, that someone would pay him a compliment without putting a qualifier on it. Nothing was worth letting him die because if he were gone, how could Cas live with his own mistakes? Just like Sam shouldn’t be allowed to die on his own terms, because without Sam, there is no Dean. But what did those things say about Sam, himself? Who is he, what is he worth, in reference to no one else but just himself? Is he anything more than the boy with the demon blood? Or the dumb kid who let Lucifer loose? Or Dean’s dumb kid brother who needs protecting?

Sam’s eyes fell for a moment while he thought of these things before he caught himself and smeared a smile back across his face so Cas wouldn’t notice how those words had actually hurt. But it was too late. The angel who wasn’t great at picking up on things had caught him.

"What is it, Sam?"

Sam rumpled is brow. “Uh,  _nothing_ , Cas. I know you’re sorry. You and I, we screwed up and we both get it.”

Castiel cocked his head to the side as though it was easier to see Sam at that angle, and he stepped closer to him, which was jarring to Sam because he wasn’t used to Cas getting so close in general. But the angel felt if he was physically close enough to Sam with his dissecting stare, he might actually be able to read Sam’s expression better. Something he had said had not set well with the Winchester and it started dawning on him what that might be. 

Cas stared for about a minute with Sam staring back awkwardly until Sam finally exclaimed, _"What?"_

"Something I said upset you."

Sam shook his head. “No, it’s fine. I’m fine.”

"No. You’re not." Castiel stepped to the other side to scrutinize the left part of Sam’s face now. Sam’s gaze followed him, his brow still knit up in confusion.

"I  _really_  am, and whatever you’re looking for is not written on my face!”

"But it is." Cas squared up in front of Sam. "The lines on your face, the strain in your brow, the laugh lines in the corners of your eyes, and the way your smile is formed, pulling the sides up to collide with the pull of your nose, creating what humans call dimples —all of those things look different when you are actually fine and when you are pretending to be fine. These places" —Cas’ hands went up to Sam’s face, pointing at the parts he was referring, Sam’s eyes darting around to follow them, startled at the familiarity once again— "here, there, and there, looked genuine at first, then I said that part about screwing up and they were all altered. You tried, but your smile no longer looks authentic."

Sam’s mouth kind of hung open for a second. “You notice stuff like that?” Sam couldn’t remember the last time someone had been that observant of him. Usually his ‘I’m fine’ face worked like a charm, at least with Dean.

Cas shrugged. “I’ve known you for a very long time.” He sighed. “I may have mispoke,” said the angel. “I was trying to relate to you, as I understand many humans do when having these  _heart-to-hearts_. I’m not the best at it. But what I wanted it to sound like is that I understand why you feel like giving your life to help track down Gadreel to make up for losing Kevin. I, too, have felt like I needed penance to make up for my sins.”

Sam was nodding.

"You are truly good, Sam. What happened to Kevin was not your fault. I hope what I said did not, in some way, make you doubt this."

"I know you were trying to relate, Cas." Another smile that Cas did not buy appeared on Sam’s face. "I appreciate that." Sam truly understood Castiel’s intention and appreciated the effort. He could cut him some slack. There was a learner’s curve after all, and Cas had only been a human for a few months.

"Your face is disingenuous again," Castiel said, pointing a finger at Sam’s lips. 

Sam sighed exasperatedly.

"Sam," Castiel’s voice dropped an ocave, signifying he was very serious. "Forget what I said before. Hear me now: you are the boy who believed in angels his whole life and when this one met you" —he pointed at himself— "he treated you badly, but your faith in me still remains. You are the boy who believed so much in free will and choice that you tried to use your powers for good, even when no one would believe in you. You are the boy who didn’t need a second thought to jump into the Cage and save the world, no matter what that cost you, and taught this angel to change his view of the strength in humanity. You are the boy who has trusted and forgiven me, even when my mistakes have taken from you the most. And there is nothing worth losing you, no matter how much you feel you may deserve it. I stand firm on my assessment that there is no one like you on this planet. I will not stand to lose you. Do you understand?"

Sam sat a little stunned as a deep burn stung his chest. He wasn’t sure of when the last time was that anyone had listed out things they admired him for and he was touched. His face showed it, too, and from the look on Castiel’s face, Sam’s expression had passed for ‘truly authentic.’

Sam nodded. 

"Good," replied the angel. He clapped his hand on Sam’s shoulder with a smile. "Let’s put this syringe away then."


End file.
